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Karl,  I just got a new car for the wife.:huh:

A pretty good swap I reckon!:rolleyes:

Talking about which came first, the chicken of the egg, this "joke" is so old that cars weren't even invented when it first came out!:wacko:

 

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A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks.

After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders another double martini.

After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders another one.

The bartender says: "Look, buddy, I'll bring you martini's all night long - but you got to tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."

The customer replies: "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I will know it's time to go home!"

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  • 1 month later...
  • 2 months later...
  • 3 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...

My wife just stopped and said: " You weren't even listening, were you?"

I thought to myself..... "That's a strange way to start off a conversation":o:D

Stay safe my friends.

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On 4/20/2020 at 5:43 PM, olderndirt said:

keep going 'til the tracks meet :)

The tracks met a while ago. I only post these things at night when I'm safe ond.:ph34r::unsure::D

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I asked the doctor for some sleeping pills for the wife.

He asked why and I said because she keeps waking up.

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A husband exclaims to his wife one day, "your butt is getting really big. "It's bigger than the BBQ grill!"

 

Later that night in bed, the husband makes some advances towards the wife who completely brushes him off. "What's wrong?" He answers. She answers, "do you really think I'm going to fire up that big-as_  grill for one little weenie?"  :D

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We fell in love with my ex-husband at first sight. Maybe I had to take a second look ...
(Woody Allen)
 
The ideal husband remains... celibate.
(Oscar Wilde)

I would like a kind and understanding husband. Is asking too much of a... billionaire?
(Zsa Zsa Gabor and ... many others)
 
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We sometimes say things to our long suffering wives that we don't really mean.:huh:

Only this morning at breakfast I said to the wife, "will you please pass the salt," when what I really meant to say was, "thanks b*tch for destroying my life!":o

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Posted (edited)

I don't have a wife, but these are very humorous nevertheless :D

 

I should add that my girlfriend does think they are hilarious too...for the most part. ;) 

Edited by Sniper31
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A person goes to the stadium a few minutes before the start of the game and finds only one place free but when he sits the elderly neighbor of the place starts crying desperately.
 
Surprised he asks him why he started to cry and the man replies: "Excuse me but I despaired because he sat on the place where we have with my beloved wife
seen all the races together, also bringing our 4 children but since she flew in Heaven leaving me I'm inconsolable! "

 
Then moved, the person asks him " Excuse me, but why don't you let someone accompany you of his children to ease the pain of losing his beloved wife? "
 
to which the old man always sobbing tells him :
 
"Yes I did it not only with my 4 children but with the grandchildren and all my relatives but today they couldn't because they all had a commitment, they all went to ... my wife's funeral! "
 
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